im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
