i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
