I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
