I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
