Only a mothe r could love this liver
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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