Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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