my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
