youre lurking in front of me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
