I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
