So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
