If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
