i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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