someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
