I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
