I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
