My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
