Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
