I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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