I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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