Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
