took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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