Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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