Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
