Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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