i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
