never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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