I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
