You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Green mimosas i think yes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
