those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
