God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
