yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
