WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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