At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
