can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
