There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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