on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
