I accidentally burped into my bong.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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