Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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