I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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