i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
