you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
