i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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