watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
