Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
