I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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