well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
