Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
