btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
