She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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