Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
