I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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