i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
