yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
