im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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