like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
