Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
