Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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