from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
