I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
